March 27, 2021

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Reflection:

 

For me, the whole process of writing my honours dissertation has been a daunting and exhausting task. 

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When I learned that I had to write something about how my final year as a university student in the honours history program, I rolled my eyes a little. What do I have to say about my experience that has not already been said? Hundreds of students before me have written something like this, and hundreds more will have to write something like this. I’ve always been aware of my lack of originality and this has been with me throughout my degree.

 

What I know that I should write for this reflection piece is that I am currently a fourth-year student who is majoring in history and doing a minor in French. My dissertation topic is the Manitoba School Question. I chose this since I wanted to write about Canada’s colonial history. However, I am aware of being white and therefore a product of colonization, so I chose something that was related to me and my family’s history. I’m from Winnipeg and went to French public school until grade 9. All throughout my time attending a French school, I was taught, in the broadest terms, that learning in French was a privilege my family and community had fought for. I had not really given it more thought until I was faced with choosing a topic for a 100-page-long paper. 

While doing research for my dissertation, I learned that at the time of Manitoba’s entrance into Canadian Confederation, Manitoba was seen to be a second Québec. The French-Catholic community represented approximately half of the population. However, the ethnic demographics changed so quickly that by 1890, the French population was a shadow of what it had been. The massive influx of settlers from Ontario (who were mostly Anglo-Protestant), and the resulting changes in legislature led to changes to the public education system. Although there were clauses in both the Manitoba Act and the British North America Act to protect minority language and religious rights, Manitoba’s legislative assembly ignored these clauses and abolished public French-Catholic education. 

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There were a few court cases following the abolition of public French-Catholic schools. After a few years of legal battles, and a country-wide debate about whether the federal government could and should intervene, the newly elected federal government with Wilfred Laurier as its head struck a deal with Manitoba’s Premier, Thomas Greenway. The resulting compromise established a bilingual school system that permitted education in other languages and in other religions if there were enough students to justify it. 

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As the provincial demographics changed, in 1916, the province successfully managed to abolish all non-English public education. This is the part of the Manitoba School Question that really interested me since the French-Catholic community came together and organized themselves in order to illegally teach French. Teachers had to hide French textbooks and look out for school inspectors in order not to lose their job. They also created administrative and community organizations that would promote the placement of French-Catholic teachers in their own French communities. The French-Catholic community’s organized resistance is what impressed me so much and still makes me so proud to be Franco-Manitoban.

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Even though I’ve now spent countless hours writing and reading about the Manitoba School Question, I do not know who will read, appreciate, or even know about this paper. I do not know if I have contributed any significant work to this very specific part of Canadian history. I guess these are all thoughts that university students encounter when faced with completing a project that has consumed their thoughts for a whole year. Throughout the whole process, I kept asking myself: what’s the point? And although I did learn a lot, grew as a person, and have completed the single, most difficult project I’ve ever attempted; I only did it because I am entertaining the idea of going to grad school. I do not think this is a good enough reason to have committed a whole year to an ambition I’m not committed to. I think the amount of work I’ve had to do is not justified when contemplating a ‘maybe’. 

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Additional to the difficulties of writing an honours dissertation, the difficulties of doing this in the middle of a pandemic greatly exacerbated the stress and isolation I believe I would have felt if I had written this during a ‘normal’ academic year. This year has been exhausting. As a student and just as a person. The pandemic has been exhausting and working from home has been exhausting. I suspect that my self-criticism and feeling of inadequacy has been made worse due to the pandemic. 

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Since I’m technically a student at Kings, and not Dalhousie, I always compare difficult things to the Foundation Year Program at Kings. The year that I did FYP was one of the hardest years of my life. I always think that if something isn’t as difficult as FYP, it’s not that bad. Now I’m not sure what was more difficult; FYP or this. Perhaps I’m hypercritical of myself, my productivity, and my coping mechanisms since I am about to graduate. I am writing this blurb while I still have a couple of weeks left of my undergrad and of writing for my dissertation. The feeling of hopelessness and uncertainty is heightened by the prospect of my graduation during a recession. I have no concrete plans for the future and feel lost. My experience while writing my dissertation has been punctuated by the different layers of uncertainty. The natural next step for honours students is graduate school. This seems like the only logical step for my future, but I am not yet ready to commit to a couple more years immersed in academics. I feel lost. 

 

If I were to disregard all the stress and anxiety that I’ve felt over the course of this year, I could say that this has been generally pleasant. My supervisor has been supportive and encouraging. I’ve been able to find enough literature on my topic in order to complete my dissertation. I have learned so many interesting things in class due to the guest lecturers of the seminar classes. But if I knew how difficult this was going to be and if I could visualize a professional future outside of academics, I probably would not have done this. Especially not in the middle of a pandemic. I am proud of myself and I know that I have learned lots of skills that I can take with me to the next project. I am excited to hold a complete, printed and bound copy of my dissertation. I think ensuring that I can physically see and feel the product of this year will help. 

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I am excited to complete and submit my final and completed dissertation.

Not only that, but I am excited to have guiltless leisure time.